


The Savior is No More

by charlise_linann



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Feels, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2014-06-02
Packaged: 2018-02-03 05:29:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1732823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlise_linann/pseuds/charlise_linann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The final battle between Emma and the Wicked Witch of the West takes a turn for the worst resulting in devastating repercussions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Savior is No More

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a little something I pieced together a while back for 'tersaseda' that I uploaded on tumblr and decided to post on here! Enjoy!

“Swan?”

 

Killian felt his breath seize up in his throat, as the blonde woman remained sprawled on the ground, unmoving.

 

“Swan!”

 

Urging his feet to move, he gradually began to walk towards Emma, his legs seeming to get heavier with each step. The few residents of Storybrooke who had aided them with the battle stayed clear, watching from afar. Among them were Snow and David, who were yet to say anything or approach their daughter. Henry had been forced to remain home, Emma along with the Charmings, unwilling to risk him being caught in the crossfires of the fight.

 

Bloody brilliant thing they had. If the lad saw his mother now- Killian wouldn’t know what to tell him.

 

Resisting the hesitancy that flooded his body as he drew near to Emma, he slowly lowered himself to his knees. With a tenderness he had not known he possessed, he tucked his forearm beneath Emma’s head, tugging her closer to his body. His heart throbbed painfully at how weak and vulnerable she appeared as he cradled her in his arms. The pain only multiplied when her eyes pried apart, staring up at him in a haze, the usual fierce determination that crowded her eyes gone.

 

“Killian?”

 

His hands involuntarily tightened around her. “I’m right here, love. Just hold on.”

 

“I’m tired.”

 

A chill coursed through his body at the frailty in her voice as he replied, his own voice coming out raspy. “I know, lass, and I promise you can rest for as long as you wish once we get you home to Henry. Right now, I need you to stay awake. Can you do that for me?”

 

“Home?”

 

“Aye, lass.” his voice trembled as the blonde mustered up a meager smile. “Home.”

 

“Killian?”

 

He hummed a yes in reply, not trusting his voice to come out clear.

 

“I’m-I’m sorry.”

 

His brows knit in slight confusion at her words, before his heart dropped as her eyelids drifted shut, her head lolling to the side.

 

“Swan?”

 

She didn’t move.

 

“Swan!” His voice broke around her name as he shook her, forcing her to reply. “Swan! Wake up!”

 

For what felt like hours, he continued to throttle her, silently praying to whatever bloody god who bothered to listen to wake her up.

 

Nothing.

 

No. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. She was the bloody savior. She couldn’t just die.

 

A soft cry tore his eyes from Emma, only to land on the Charmings who were kneeling on the other side of her. Snow was curled up, face buried in David’s chest as painful sobs emptied from her mouth. David’s face was twisted up into one of pure anguish; choruses of tears trailing down his cheeks.

 

Their daughter was gone.

 

Tilting his head back, Killian stared up at the sky, feeling the cool wetness of his own tears tumbling down his face. From the depths of his body, a heart-rending cry tore from his throat.

 

Emma was gone.

 

With her, a part of him left as well.

 

 

-

 

"Hook."

 

"Hook!"

 

Groaning at the blaring voice, Killian forced his eyes open, hissing at the sudden light that attacked them. Once he had adjusted to the harsh change in brightness, he took a quick glance at his surroundings. The stools and small array of people along with glasses of liquor lined up by his arm told him that he was at the town’s pub. Searching his memory, he recalled stumbling into the establishment and quickly ensuing in knocking back drink after drink. The rest from there on was a hazy blur. The thought didn’t worry him though. It had become something of a habit for him over the past couple of months.

 

"Hook!"

 

Mumbling foul curses under his breath, he turned to meet the voice that belonged to none other than David Nolan. The look of disappointment and pity scrawled on his face was one that didn't sit well with Killian at all.

 

"What can I help you with, mate?" He drawled out, the lilt still working its way into his voice.

 

David simply stared down at him for a brief second before an exasperated sigh escaped him. "This needs to stop, Jones."

 

"What?" He replied feigning ignorance, already dreading where this conversation was heading.

 

"This!" David waved his hands, gesturing at the drunken pirate. "You can't keep drinking yourself into oblivion every night. It'll kill you!"

 

"I'm a grown man. I can do what I bloody well please."

 

David's voice lowered "It's been two months, Killian. You need to talk about it to someone."

 

He didn't want to bloody talk about it. It hurt too fucking much. All he wanted was another round of beers, but he couldn't bloody well do that with the royal standing in his way.

 

Huffing, Killian stood from the stool, wavering unsteadily on his feet for a brief second before shouldering past the prince. A firm hand gripping his shoulder stopped him midstride.

 

"Let go, mate." His voice came out low and threatening.

 

"No, I won't." Killian felt David's grip grow firmer on his shoulder. "I’m sick of watching you avoid the problem. You can't keep running away from it. Eventually, you’re going to have to talk about it if you ever want to move past it."

 

Killian spun sharply on his heels, a deep blistering anger circling in the pit of his stomach at David's words. "I don't want to move bloody past it!"

 

David didn't flinch in the slightest at his yell.

 

"Emma is dead! She died protecting all of us and I couldn't do anything to stop it! Perhaps you can forget about her, but I can't-"

 

A fist connecting with his jaw swiftly interrupted Killian’s burst of outrage. Stumbling to the ground, he cradled his jaw in his hand, a horrible pain already blooming out from the blow. Before he had a chance to pick himself up, David shoved him to his feet, roughly slamming him against the bar.

 

"Don't you dare go there, Jones! You weren't the only one who cared about her. I lost a daughter that day and it still kills me waking up everyday knowing I couldn't do anything to save her. The difference between you and I is I'm not letting her death destroy me."

 

"I don't need this." Killian attempted to maneuver out of his hold, but David kept a tight grip on him not allowing him to move.

 

"Yes you do. Whether you realize it or not you do and I'm going to give it to you and you're going to listen. Do I make myself clear, mate?" A pregnant silence filled the space between them before Killian nodded in resignation.

 

"You can't just go out every night drinking until you pass out. And don't give me that crap about it helping you get through this. You're not the only one who suffered from her death, but do you see anyone else doing what you are?”

 

“I know it hurts, Jones, but continuing to get wasted day after day won't do anything to help move past it. Sure, it may numb the pain for a while, but it'll come back. What are you going to do when it does? Find another bottle? You're better than that. I know it and you know it… Emma knows it too."

 

There it was.

 

"You and I both know Emma wouldn't want this for you. She'd want you to live and this sure as hell isn't living."

 

Killian knew the royal was right. If Emma could see him now she would be disgusted with the man he had become. He had reverted back to being the sour drunken pirate he had sworn he would never be.

 

"But how can I? How can I live when what gave me purpose is gone? How do I forget?"

 

"You don't forget. You learn to live with the pain. Eventually it will become easier to deal with, but it won’t happen overnight. You have to work through it day by day. It's not like you have to face it alone either. Emma may be gone, but we're still your family. No matter what, we’ll always be here to support you."

 

We’re still your family.

 

We’ll always be here to support you.

 

Family. “Bloody hell.”

 

Killian stepped out of their close proximity, returning David’s confused expression with a grave smile. “I have to go.”

 

Without another word, he fled from the bar, David’s words echoing around in his head.

 

-

 

Killian closed the door gently behind him, shrugging off his leather jacket before hooking it on the coat stand. Noting that all the lights in the house were off, he mentally resolved to talk with the boy in the morning. Soundlessly, he slipped across the room towards the stairs stopping when, without warning, the lights flicked on.

 

"Killian?"

 

Turning towards the living room area, his eyes met Henry who was standing by the couch, with flannel bottoms on accompanied by a plain shirt. His eyes were swollen and puffy, dark bags forming beneath them hinting of lack of sleep and that he had been crying.

 

"Aye, it's me," Killian’s voice was soft, barely audible in the silence. “Why are you awake? It’s late.”

 

“I couldn’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes I see…”

 

Henry’s voice trailed off, but Killian knew what he was going to say. I see her. It had been the exact same for him every day for the past two months.

 

Turning away from the staircase, he walked over to Henry, offering a soft “come here” before drawing him into his arms in a soft embrace. Henry automatically returned his hug, locking his arms around the pirate while burying his head in his chest. The memory of cradling Emma just as she died flashed before Killian’s eyes causing him to tighten his hold on the lad.

 

"I miss her.” Henry’s voice broke along with Killian’s heart as he trembled in his arms. “I miss her so much."

 

"As do I, lad."

 

"Does it ever stop hurting?"

 

Pulling away slightly from the boy, he shot him a questioning glance.

 

"The pain. Does the pain ever go away?"

 

He could have lied to the boy if he wanted to. He could have told him that everything would heal with time and he wouldn't remember there being any pain in the first place, but he refused.

 

"I don't know, Henry." He paused before continuing. "But I promise, I won't leave you to go through this alone. Not anymore."

 

 

-

 

Five months.

 

Five months had passed by since Emma's death.

 

Five months had passed by, the sixth slowly approaching when Killian started having the hallucinations.

 

Initially, they started off small; fleeting. He’d swear he’d hear her voice when walking through the town, but when he looked towards where he believed the sound to be coming from, all he’d meet was empty space. It continued for a couple weeks, with Killian simply hearing the familiar ring of Emma’s voice, but once weeks turned into a month, he began to see glimpses of his Swan; her blonde hair or her red leather jacket, but just as with the voices, he was met with empty space.

 

He was yet to tell anyone about the hallucinations, fearing they'd accuse him of being crazy. Hell, he was nearly believing he was crazy himself.

 

That was, until the sixth month approached.

 

He'd caught a glimpse of a petite figure slipping behind a building while he was perusing around the docks. A familiar leather jacket was draped across their torso of the figure; blonde locks cascading down their back. Without hesitation, he sprinted after the woman - hallucination - whatever the bloody hell it was. Rounding the corner, his heart plummeted into the pit of his stomach.

 

"Swan?"

 

The woman spun around, blonde hair tumbling at her sides, cheeks flustered. Shock, worry and guilt briskly clouded her features.

 

Emma.

 

"Killian?"

 

He had to be dreaming. This couldn’t be real.

 

Yet as he stood there, staring at the blonde, something inside him told him it was. That same feeling was what compelled him to cross the short distance between them until he stood before, centimeters away. Heart racing emphatically, he reached a quaking hand out, the breath escaping his lungs when he came into contact with warm skin.

 

“Emma?” he breathed out.

 

He wasn’t dreaming. She was here. Standing completely alive and whole in front of him, but how? Thoughts circulated wildly in his head until they clicked into place as he recalled the guilt in her expression. The soft smile that had captured his lips dropped along with the hand resting on her cheek.

 

"How long?"

 

"Killian I-"

 

"How long, Swan?" His tone grew louder, though his voice was hoarse.

 

A deafening silence hung in the air before Emma spoke, her head hanging in defeat. "Since the battle."

 

"Since the battle? The whole time you were- All this while and- I can't believe this." He turned on his heels, unable to bear continuing the conversation.

 

"Killian, wait! I can explain!"

 

He whirled around, eyes flashing dangerously. "Explain what? How could anything explain the fact that you were alive for six months? Six months! I thought you died in my bloody arms, Swan!"

 

"I know it sounds bad but-"

 

"Bad?" A chuckle escaped his lips that sounded dead even to him. "Seven hells, Swan. You had a funeral. We fucking buried you!"

 

"I know, Killian..."

 

"Why didn't you reach out? A phone call? A letter? Anything?"

 

"Gold said-"

 

"Gold? What part did he play in this? Don't tell me he knew this whole time!"

 

He was met with silence.

 

"You trusted the crocodile over me? Bloody hell, woman! Do you hear yourself?"

 

"It's more complicated than that!"

 

"How? How could it be any more complicated?"

 

"If you would just shut up and listen to me maybe I could tell you!"

 

His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides at the raw desperation in her voice struck him. “Then go on. Explain.”

 

"I had to stay away. It was the only way to keep you, Henry, my parents, everyone safe."

 

"What are you talking about?"

 

"All magic comes with a price, Killian, and the price of what I did is not one I'm willing to bring on to anyone that I care about."

 

"What was the price?"

 

"She's inside of me." Before Killian had a chance to interrupt, she continued. "The Wicked Witch. When I defeated her, I absorbed her essence, her being, inside of me.”

 

“What does that have to do with anything?”

 

“Everything! If I lose control for the slightest second, she can take over me! Do you know what that means? I’ll become her! If I become her I’ll have no control over what I say or do! I’ll hurt people! I’ll hurt my parents, Henry…you! I can’t risk that!”

 

Killian could pinpoint the exact moment his heart broke. Here he was so caught up in his own emotions that he failed to realize that Emma, his Emma had been suffering as well. The only difference being that he had support. For six months she’d been suffering alone. She’d had no one.

 

As tears began to spill from the blonde’s eyes, Killian quickly stepped forward, placing a hand against the small of her back, hook resting at her hip, before tugging her forwards into a bone-crushing hug which she easily slipped into. His forearm circled her waist as his hand trailed upwards, tangling in the depths of her hair.

 

“I’m so sorry, Emma.” Those were the words he repeated over and over again like a mantra until she calmed down in his arms. Once she had gathered her bearings, he withdrew from the embrace, pulling her forwards gently.

 

“Where are we going?”

 

He gazed at the red-rimmed blonde, a smile splaying across his lips at the confusion in her voice. “I’m taking you home, Swan.”

 

“But, Killian-“

 

He cut her off with a chaste kiss. “We’ll figure it out. Together.

**Author's Note:**

> And there it is! I'm thinking I might continue this depending on the response I get, but I'm not sure yet!  
> Well I hope you enjoyed! If you wouldn't mind dropping a review that would be great!
> 
> Find me on tumblr at stuckindisney (◡‿◡✿)


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